Asylum--The Lunatics Are On The Loose Again

The Story of the Chozo

Information Worth Even Less Than The Bytes It Occupies

The information was released as a forgotten MDb exclusive in mid-2000 by Nintendo themselves. You see, the Chozo are a bird race, and have very bird-like origins.

The space pirates, whom we all know and love, are indeed pirates. Before they started climbing around on walls and fragging bounty hunters that got in their way (or at least trying to), they actually prowled the galaxy in big ships with solar sails, plundering any cargo or trade vessels they came across.

I mean, jeez... why do you think we call them 'pirates?' Staying deep in subterranean mazes surrounded by funny spiky crawling things is hardly piratical. Tell a real buccaneer to go into a cave and sit there until a girl with high-tech armor comes in and blasts him and he'll laugh. And laugh. And laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

And laugh.

Anyhoo, since they were pirates, they needed to seem stereotypically piratical in some way. I'm not entirely sure how an alien race knew how to fit into our unique Earth-stereotypes of pirates, but they surely did. What do pirates have? Aside from bandanas, peg legs, and eyepatches, that is.

Funny hats with skulls and crossbones aside, they had parrots. Now, these parrots, being a race that could survive in space and get along with evil space pirates, were quite crafty and powerful in their own right. In return for a permanent perch on a pirate's shoulder, they built great technological wonders for their masters for years, until the Time came when the Thing happened.

Yeah, Then.

Anyway, the pirates caused their own downfall by delving too greedily and too deep into the mithril mines of Moria bowels of Zebes. You know what they found there. Shadow... and flame. Okay, maybe a big brain in a jar, but that's hardly a loathsome enemy. Especially when you shatter that jar. On the first try. *shrugs*

Well, they discovered Mother Brain, and would have, of course, caused the destruction of the universe if Samus hadn't come in to eradicate the threat.

Anyway, the pirates didn't mine mithril, like I said earlier (thus the strikeout on that text); they dug for ancient ruins and super technology. I mean, all the ancient civilizations that ever existed had amazing technology that they used to destroy the planet-killing aliens of their era, and just in case this stuff was needed again, they always made sure to bury it deep within labyrinthine caves for adventurers to find just in the nick of time to defeat unspeakable evils.

Well, the pirates were to use the technology for evil, but that was their downfall. They fell in with the wrong crowd in Mother Brain and were doomed to an existence of hanging off walls and shooting randomly across the room, even when nothing was in their sights.

Their parrots, being the superintelligent beings that they were, however, got tired of going up and down on the pirates' shoulders and built themselves a time portal to go back in time to eventually get revenge on the pirates that had forsaken them and the carefree plunderer's way of life that they represented. So, they built items specifically designed to be used on the pirates and all the other creatures they worked with, then died off after a thousand years of building intricately-carved statues and technological wonders in the past.

Who were these parrots? The Chozo, of course.

Have a nice day!
The Insane Space Hunter

 





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