A Time Squad Adventure by Joshua Thompson
I wrote this in hopes of eventually sending it and another episode featuring General Sherman to Cartoon Network, but I never transferred the other episode from my old laptop. As a result, this sat on my hard drive for a year and I finally decided to put it up on the 'Net.

Scene: Aboard the time observation space station; Otto and Buck are attempting to play chess while Larry scans time for instabilities.

(Otto, moving a pawn next to the king) Check!
(Buck) Uh... aha! (moves his knight to take the pawn threatening the king) So there!
(Otto, taking the knight with one of his bishops) Checkmate!
(Buck) What? You can't do that!
(Otto) Sure I can! Why not?
(Buck) Like a flimsy little bishop could take on a giant knight! What's up with that?!
(Otto) That's how the game works, Tuddrussel.
(Buck) Stupid game. How about a round of Rock, Paper, Scissors?

(Historical Instability Alarm) *BWONNG BWONNG BWONNG*

(Buck) Aah! What's that? (begins zorching things randomly with his blaster)
(Larry) Tuddrussel! Stop tha--(is interrupted as Tuddrussel blasts his head)
(Buck) Oops.
(Otto) Larry, are you okay?
(Larry) *fizz fizz sparkle crack doink*
(Buck, hitting a button on the console) Aw, he's fine. What's up, little buddy?
(Otto) As far as I can tell, someone named Abbas the First is deviating from the prescribed historical happenstance.
(Buck) Huh?
(Otto) Abbas the First is screwing up time.
(Buck) Oh. What's he s'posed to be doing?
(Otto) Huh? I dunno.
(Buck) What? You're the history expert.
(Otto) Yeah, but... who in the heck is Abbas?
(Buck) Oh, well. We can just find out when we get there.
(Otto) What about Larry? We can't go into the past without him!
(Buck) And why not?
(Otto) He's got the time teleporter controls on his wrist, remember?
(Buck) Oh. (shoulders Larry's inert form) We'll just take him with us then!
(Otto) Uh... shouldn't we fix him?
(Buck) No time! That's 'cause we gotta fix it! Heh heh heh...
(Otto rolls his eyes)
(Larry) *sparkle crackle fizzle* your wit astounds me...
(Buck) Huh?
(Otto) Let's go.

*TELEPORT OUT*

Scene: Otto, accompanied by Buck, who carries Larry on his shoulder, zaps into 16th century Iran, inside a great palace. Three royal-type persons are standing together, the smallest of the three presenting the other two with gifts.

(Abbas I, Shah of Iran) Here you go, a gift for the mighty Ottoman empire! (hands the guy a deed)
(Ottoman Emperor) Ah. Thank you for the lands. Maybe I won't attack you now. (Abbas wipes his brow in relief)
(Abbas) And for you, my Uzbek friend, some land as well!
(Uzbek King) Yes, I thank you. I was contemplating expanding my back yard... perhaps a swingset for the little ones right here... (Ottoman Emperor and Uzbek King exit)
(Abbas) Whew, I'm glad THAT'S over.
(Otto, walking up to Abbas) Are you Abbas the First?
(Abbas) Uh... the first?
(Otto) Or maybe just King Abbas?
(Abbas) Y... yeah... (sees Tuddrussel) Aah! Don't hurt me! Do you want lands? Titles? Gold? Aah!
(Larry) Um... no thank you.
(Otto) King Abbas, what are you doing? Why are you just giving your lands away? If you keep doing that, you won't have an empire anymore!
(Abbas) But I don't want to fight! I don't have a big army, and I don't want to lead...what am I supposed to do? (paces nervously) I'm not a fighter... I'm... (notices a small flying beetle) SCARED!!! (runs out of the room hurriedly)
(Buck) Oh, is HE one of them knights that gets taken out by the bishops!
(Larry) *zort zort pop* big ape...
(Buck) Huh?
(Otto) Hmmm... he seems to be the one screwing up history, but... what the heck was he supposed to do?
(Buck) Forcibly subjugate the surrounding peoples?
(Otto) HIM?
(Buck) So what's the plan?
(Otto) What plan?
(Buck) The hair-brained scheme you're gonna use to fix history, of course! You always have one!
(Otto) I don't know! I've never even HEARD of Abbas the First! How am I supposed to figure out how to put him back the way he's supposed to be? Maybe Larry's heard of him?
(Larry) *pop pop crack*
(Buck) Uh... I'm thinkin' that's a no.
(Otto) What if we win his lands back so that his empire is strong again?
(Buck) Yeah, we can use... his palace guards... if he even has THAT much left...
(Otto) I might have an idea, actually...
(Buck) See? I told you! Right, Larry?
(Larry) *spark fizzle spack spack* lummox...
(Buck) Huh?

Scene: Shah Abbas' throne room, where Abbas is nervously pacing about, attempting to avoid his own shadow. Buck and Larry enter with the ever-sparking Larry.

(Buck) How the heck did HE get to be king, anyway?
(Otto) Actually, I just realized that the king of Iran is called a Shah.
(Buck) How did you know that? You said you didn't know anything about him!
(Otto) I don't. All I know is that the political leader of Iran is called a shah.
(Buck) Oh, great! With information like that, we can do this thing! (whispering to himself) That, and I'm the 'shah' of the magical fairy land...
(Larry) *spark zippit pop* you big clod...
(Buck) Huh?
(Otto) Excuse me, your highness?
(Abbas, startled) Aah! Don't hurt! Take land! Non-aggression pact! (sees Otto) Oh, it's you.
(Otto) Um... your highness... I was wondering...
(Abbas) What?
(Buck) We was wonderin' why in tarnation you keep givin' your land away instead of fighting!
(Abbas) I... I'm scared! (hides his head and begins to sob)
(Otto) Nice going, Tuddrussel.
(Buck) What'd I do?
(Larry) *blag blargle blork* insensitive buffoon...
(Buck) Huh?
(Otto) King Abbas...
(Buck) Uh uh... he's a SHAH, remember?
(Otto) Right. Um... maybe we could help you get your country back...
(Abbas) W... would you? I love to build and things, but I don't like fighting.
(Buck) Now, who would have guessed THAT?
(Otto) Maybe we could help you with strategy or something.
(Abbas) Okay...
(Buck) Boo! (jumps at Abbas)
(Abbas) AAH! (runs screaming out of the room)
(Otto) Buck! Stop that!
(Buck) Heh heh heh...
(Larry) *sparkly blork blobbit* dumb gorilla...
(Buck) Huh?

Scene: The royal suite of Shah Abbas the First, where Otto, in an attempt to teach Abbas some basic strategy, is teaching him to play chess. Buck is sitting off to the side mwith Larry on his back in a mesh backpack akin to that in which Chewbacca carried C-3P0.

(Otto) It's your move, Mr. Abbas...
(Larry) *sparkle drinkle* shah...
(Otto) Whatever.
(Buck) Huh?
(Abbas) Okay... (moves a pawn forward)
(Otto) Okay, now it's my turn. (moves a pawn forward as well)
(Abbas, seeing the pawn advancing toward him) Aah! Don't hurt me! You can have my front row! (sweeps all of his pawns off the board)
(Otto, slapping his forehead) This is gonna be harder than I thought.

Scene: The royal courtyard of the palace of Abbas... blah blah shah whatever. Buck, attempting to teach Abbas how to fight and hopefully make him braver, is having Abbas practice on a practice dummy. Larry is sitting in the corner next to Otto, who's trying to plan their next move.

(Buck) Okay, now, you see the practice dummy over there?
(Abbas) Y... yes...
(Buck) I want you to charge it and RIP IT TO SHREDS! YOU GOT THAT, LITTLE MAN?!
(Otto) This won't end well.
(Abbas) I think so... (runs up to the dummy, looks at it for a moment, and runs back) No, I don't.
(Buck) Do I have to do EVERYTHING myself? (runs up, tackles the dummy, rips it to shreds, and throws its pieces to the four corners of the courtyard) Now THAT is how you do it!!
(Abbas) Okay...
(Buck, setting up a fresh dummy) Okay! Go get him!
(Abbas) YAAAAA!!! (lets out a primal scream of battle and charges the dummy, but once he touches it, he screams like a small girl and shrinks away) Okay! You can have the courtyard! No, the whole palace! Aah! (runs and cowers behind Buck)
(Buck) Yeesh!
(Otto) I knew that wouldn't end well.

Scene: Outside the palace, which Abbas has ceded to a fighting practice dummy. Buck, Otto, and Abbas are there, as well as Larry... well, as much as he's been there the entire time.

(Buck) I can't believe that a stupid practice dummy now owns the entire palace!
(Otto) Somehow, I can. What I can't believe is that this guy is so entirely beyond hope to become the conqueror he's perhaps supposed to be that we can't even help him at all!
(Buck) Maybe we need to do things MY way.
(Otto) We already did, remember? That's when he ceded his entire palace to a fighting dummy.
(Larry) *zzt zzt* dingbat...
(Buck) Huh?
(Otto) I just don't know. Maybe if we try to teach him how to defend his land strategically, or maybe...
(Buck) All right! I've had enough of the Mr. Nice Guy routine! (walks up to Abbas, who's attempting to run from gnats) Okay, you pipsqueaky little nerd of a king!
(Otto) Shah.
(Buck) Whatever. Listen, Abbas! I don't know nothin' about you, but I know that you need to take advantage of your situation! Understand?
(Abbas, cowering) B... but...
(Buck) NO BUTS! Now get out there and TAKE YOUR LAND BACK!! Get a move on before I crush you!
(Abbas) AAAAHHH!!! (runs screaming in the direction of a guard tower) Mass the men! We must attack!
(Buck) Heh. There we go.
(Otto) You did it, Tuddrussel! You scared him into attacking them!
(Buck) Yup.
(Otto) And with all that land he ceded them, they'll be distracted trying to protect it all!
(Buck) Yup.
(Otto) Right. Now, all we need to do is make sure he gets it right and doesn't chicken out at the last moment, like before.
(Buck) Yup.

Scene: Battlefield, where Abbas is leading his army forth to victory through the opposing armies that have spread themselves out too far in an attempt to hold the land ceded their country by Iran. Buck, Otto, and Larry are all there--Larry still in the mesh backpack.

(Buck) Well, another job well done.
(Otto) Except for one thing.
(Buck) And what is that?
(Otto) Abbas doesn't have a capital to go back to... it's currently held by a practice dummy along with his palace.
(Buck) Oh, yeah... oops.
(Otto) Maybe we should just tell him to relocate the capital someplace else.
(Buck) Good idea. Hey, Abbott!
(Larry) *crarkle plop ding* Abbas, you dolt...
(Buck) Huh?
(Abbas, coming up to the group) What?
(Otto) We were thinking... maybe you should move your capital to somewhere other than where it is, as you technically don't own a palace there anymore--a practice dummy does.
(Abbas) Good idea, young man. Like I said, I like to build things, and with all the spoils from winning these battles, I can afford to rebuild the famed city of Esfahan, where I shall make my capital.
(Larry) *spark blink blink foop* oh good...
(Buck) Huh?
(Abbas) I want to thank you all for helping me...
(Otto) No problem. We all learned a little something today.
(Buck, pressing buttons on Larry's teleportation control) Yup. (looks at Abbas) Boo!
(Abbas) AAAHH!! (runs terrified as the group teleports out)
(Otto) Tuddrussel! Stop that!
(Larry) *spark spark fizzle* macho peabrain...
(Buck) Huh?

*TELEPORT OUT*

Scene: Back aboard the time watch station; Otto is attempting to fix Larry while Tuddrussel is playing full-contact chess... with himself.

(Otto, restoring a final connection, as Larry sits up under his own power) Hey! You're awake!
(Larry, shaking his head) What? My head... Tuddrussel!
(Buck, looking up from hitting himself in the face while smashing a knight into a bishop) Huh?
(Larry) You shot me in the head!
(Buck) Are you still on that? That's ancient history!
(Larry) Ancient history? It's not like I'm talking about Abbas the First or something.
(Otto and Buck, in unision) What?
(Otto, no longer in unison with Buck) You KNOW about King Abbas?
(Buck) Shah.
(Otto) Whatever.
(Larry) Why, yes. I happened to come across him while scanning time the other day... the Savafid shah of Iran from 1588 until 1629, as I remember.
(Buck) Uhhh...
(Larry) By the year 1623, he ruled over an empire extending from the Tigris to the Indus river. He also rebuilt the city of Esfahan, which he made his capital.
(Otto) Really? How'd he do that when he was such a coward?
(Buck) Yeah! He was a wimpy little pain-in-the...
(Otto, finishing Buck's sentence) Shah.
(Buck) ...whatever...
(Larry) Well, he began the whole process by ceding his lands to the Uzbeks and Ottomans, allowing himself time to build up a large standing army. Then, he took back all the lands and captured others in the process. (Buck and Otto slap their foreheads) The only thing no one understands is why exactly he evacuated his old capital and moved it to Esfahan in the first place... (Otto and Buck start to snicker, then burst out laughing) What? What did I miss? What?

*****---THE END---*****

Time Squad, The Larry 3000, Buck Tuddrussel, and Otto Osworth are all ©2002-2003 The Cartoon Network. I can legally borrow them for a while, however. :)